Don't have to worry about any one reading this

Sometimes I just want to scream as if that would release the negative feelings and energy toward thinking those things that don't help me.  But it doesn't, I already know that.  And I don't really want to scream.  But I do cry.  I cry a lot.  I believe that its myself that is making me feel so bad.  The "stinking thinking" as they say.  But I don't know, I seem to really think the best of things most of the time but I do have an undercurrent of believing that no one really cares, they're all out for themselves.  With Gerald it isn't true, he tries but what can he do?!  My kids are out on their own as they should be.  And I am here alone and that 's not really so bad.  Sure I wish the house were done and no, the furnace still isn't hooked up nor is the stove top.  And subsequently neither is the laundry tub.  But I dunno that's just a pain its not my angst.


Right now, my back is killing me.  I know its because I don't have good posture or  the right table height to chair or something, but I'm working on it.  I would be using the office chair Gerald got for me but it was stored in the garage and is absolutely filthy.  I was going to clean it using the laundry tub, I mean I was going to use the tub as a way to convey soap and water or something toward that chair but... I dunno, do you really wash a chair?!